Qualify THIS

I recently discovered a new parent blogger-at first I really liked him; he's got a lot of great things to say, but then yesterday he said something that really rubbed me the wrong way. He asked for followers to send him pictures of their disabled children so that he can make a post about how gorgeous and amazing these kids are.

Now, in theory, that's very nice; it's nice that a rather well known blogger is bringing disability activism to the forefront of blogging...however...

Why in the world do people feel the need to say that disabled children can be gorgeous too?? As if someone were to see a disabled child who wasn't gorgeous (all children are cute little things in my opinion) and think "oh man, what a homely child" and then when they find out that it's a child with a disability say "oh man what a GORGEOUS disabled child"

Here's what I have to say about it: quit putting YOUR labels on my child; quit putting YOUR labels on ALL disabled children. Why in the hell are we stressing the importance of looks on small children? Why are they only "gorgeous" if we know they are disabled? It's a back handed compliment and it's rude as hell.

It's like telling me "oh for a fat girl, you're so pretty" or saying "Oh that gay actor is so amazing" WHY do we have to qualify it? Is it so incredibly idealistic of me to think that maybe, just maybe, we don't NEED all these unnecessary labels on our children? Even positive labels are still labels and they are still harmful to all of us.

Keep Your Damn Pity to Yourself.

I am participating in "Blog Against Disablism Day" which you can find more info about Here

Time and time again, when we explain to people the nature of Gabe's disability, we hear "I'm sorry" or some variation of "I'm sorry" You know, after six years and some odd months of hearing it, I'm used to it. I'm used to the "oh poor you" looks when we leave a doctor's office or the school or library play group, etc etc. I get it, you're sorry. You don't know what else to say or do, so you apologize and you pity us.

Newsflash: We are NOT sorry that Gabriel is the way he is; we don't wail and gnash our teeth because he's sooooooo disabled We don't sit around mourning what could have been and what might be. We are TOO busy being parents of two active children who both work and try to maintain some semblance of a social life to worry about how Gabe's life could have been. We've gotten over it, why don't YOU get over it too?

Instead of saying "I'm so sorry" when I tell you he has spina bifida, how about "Damn that must be rough" Or "you must be tired of constant doctor's visits". Or anything, really, other than "I'm sorry" (and also fyi: Saying "well he doesn't look disabled" is a great way to get a punch in the nose. DO.NOT.SAY.THAT. Strike those words from your vocabulary; I don't give a rats patoot if you don't "think" he looks disabled. He IS, trust me on this, you telling me he looks "normal" isn't reassuring, it's annoying.)

Keep your pity for things and people who NEED to be pitied; who deserve to be pitied. Gabe is too busy being a crazy six year old obsessed with the Blackhawks (and Red Wings Grandma Deb lol), mustangs, the cat, school, and irritating his little sister to be bothered to dwell on what he can't do. Trust me, it doesn't bother him to have spina bifida 99% of the time, so quit letting it bother YOU.

Let's Talk...

About the word "retard"...

According to one of my favorite websites, dictionary.com (yes, I am a dork, thanks very much) the word "retard" has been around since about 1480. It means to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.

We all know what retard means, we all ALSO know that it's a derogatory word used to describe a developmentally or physically handicapped person. Retard/retarded used to be a clinical term to describe a handicapped person and is still used that way by some medical professionals, however as a general rule, most people who use the word retarded use it as a derogatory term, usually to mean something is stupid.

Now...I have a child who is, indeed, physically handicapped, retarded, if you will. I don't use the word retard to describe him OR any other handicapped person AND I sure as hell don't use the word retard to describe something stupid. I don't use the word, I don't allow my children to use the word, and I've even been known to tell people to STOP using the word in my home around my children. It's not an acceptable word in my home any more than the "n" word or any other derogatory word that could be used to describe someone/something.

It's no secret that I do NOT like Sarah Palin, can't stand the woman for a myriad of reasons, one of them being the way I feel she exploits her special needs child for political gain, BUT be that as it may, that's not the point of this. The point is, last week Rahm Emanuel used the word "retarded" to mean that something was stupid. I was taken aback as I pretty much love Emanuel and have been a big supporter of the whole Obama entourage since day one.

Sarah Palin, God bless her, took Emanuel to task about his use of the word retard and I thought "Well good for you, Palin, something we can both agree on. Way to go" I had a bit more respect for her after hearing her statement and then the seeing the way Emanuel responded. I thought it was a good thing.

HOWEVER good old Rush Limbaugh decided to go off on one of his trademark rants (gee, can you tell I'm a HUGE fan of his...or not) and used the "r" word repeatedly.

Now, this would have been an excellent chance for Ms. Palin to really get on the boat, to REALLY prove to me (and countless other special needs families) that she wasn't being political when she lashed out at Emanuel and demanded he be fired, that she GENUINELY did not like him using the word; a non partisan rebuke, if you will. But did she? No, she did not. She, through her publicist said "Governor Palin believes crude and demeaning name calling at the expense of others is disrespectful"

Well, thanks Sarah Barracuda, way to make old Rush feel badly. You call for Emanuel's job but can't even mention Rush by name when speaking out about using the word retard? WHAT is wrong with this picture?

Using the word retard as a derogatory slur is WRONG, regardless of who says it. Bi partisan politics be damned, it's wrong and Rush should have been point blank called out on it.

I'm sorry but if Palin REALLY wanted to be an advocate for her special needs son and all of the other special needs children and family in this country, she would have taken Limbaugh to task the way she felt the need to take Emanuel to task. That little bit of respect I had for Palin is gone because CLEARLY this was a political move, not a genuine statement for ALL special needs families and quite frankly, I think it's bullshit. She wants to be respected and thought of as a champion for special needs parents and children all over and can't even take someone like Rush Limbaugh and tell him, point blank, what he did was wrong. Ridiculous.

I'd be happy to tell Limbaugh, to his face, that using the word retard is wrong, it's hurtful, it's derogatory and it's certainly not appropriate for a person of his political and public stature to perpetuate the hate the comes along with the word retard. Grow up and broaden your vocabulary Limbaugh.

Maybe you're like me and don't like the "r word...if so there's a website out there for out there for you to show your support in getting rid of this awful word.

http://www.r-word.org/

Join my family and I as we pledge our support to eradicate this derogatory term in every day speech.