Tell the Truth Tuesday: Ten

I'm not one of those moms who wept over first birthdays or the first day of school. I didn't cry when they were baptized or took their first steps (though the first giggle did make me teary eyed hehe) Birthdays are fun, I love seeing the kids grow and see the people they are becoming. They have fabulous personalities and I truly do enjoy them as they get older, however in a month Gabe is going to be ten and it's absolutely panicking me.

TEN. A decade. Double digits. TEN. That means we've been parents for a decade (and still don't feel like we have a handle on it if we're honest) We've been responsible for another persons' well being for TEN years. Gabe, of course, is super excited. Ten is fantastic. Ten is closer to middle school, ten is closer to a facebook account of his own, ten is closer to I don't know, it's just TEN! Wahoo, ten.

It's weird to think that he's going to be ten because *I* remember being ten. I was in fourth grade and remember it fairly vividly. Time is such a weird concept, isn't it?

Here's to...ten *sigh*

Tell the Truth Tuesday: I Don't Care

....what you say to me this time of year to wish me a joyous Christmas.

A list of things that do not offend me when said to me this time of year:

Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
A Joyous Festivus
Merry Ho-ho


A short list of things that do offend me when said to me this time of year:
 "I am only saying Merry Christmas because tis the season of Christ's birth and that's it"

Here's that thing, Christmas is NOT the only holiday celebration in December. Is it a big one? Yup. Is it the ONLY one? NOPE. Happy holidays is all encompassing, you're acknowledging that there's more than one thing going on during December and that you realize that.  There's a Jewish holiday, a Muslim holiday, a Hindi holiday, and a non secular African American holiday this month (among other things) and quite frankly, to other people that's just as important as Christmas is to the "only saying Merry Christmas" people.

I don't care what you say to me as long as you aren't rude. Just be kind, that's all I ask. Don't preach to me, don't sneer if I tell you to have a nice holiday, don't act offended if I say happy holidays, just be happy that I didn't tell you to soak your head, pound sand, or sit on a tack. Likewise, *I* won't be offended either by whatever comes out of your mouth.

Funny aside, in my family we always greet one another on Christmas with "It's Christmas you idiot" because many years ago my father answered the phone in a rather unChristmas like way (something like "Pete's pool hall, Cue Ball speaking") and my mom yelled in the background "It's Christmas you idiot" and my dumbfounded father, said "It's Christmas you idiot" to the person on the other end of the line and it stuck. It's easily been ten years since that incident and we still all say it...and laugh like bastards as we say it. So really...it's hard to offend me when it comes to holiday greetings...you idiot :D

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Marriage Bloggers

Today's installment of Tell the Truth Tuesday is brought to you by the myriad of marriage bloggers out there. In the last few weeks, I've seen a huge influx of posts on facebook and pinterest about making your marriage "better". "Ten tips to a happier marriage" "Marriage isn't for you" "Tips from a divorced man" and so on and so forth. Lots of people have been sharing them and more have been reading them.

I'll be the first to admit that I like to read things like that; I am always looking for ways to improve our marriage, however, these things are getting pretty obnoxious.

The underlying theme in all these articles is that the WIFE is supposed to be the one making the grand gestures, the WIFE is the one who should be forgiving, the WIFE is the one who ought to be complimenting her husband and thanking him for taking the time to watch his children. The wife, the wife, the wife. Oh sure, every once in a while you see something about what a husband should do but the overwhelming majority of these articles are aimed at how wives ought to be doing more. You should be praising your husband more, you should be having more sex at HIS request, you should write him love notes, pray for him, and accept that as a man these actions do not come naturally to him.

Wait a minute. Men aren't capable of thanking their wife for dinner? Men aren't capable of respecting a woman who says NO when they aren't in the mood for sex? Men aren't capable of being an equal emotional partner in a marriage? What kind of asshattery is that?

Why are we telling women that the sole person in the marriage who is responsible for emotional happiness is them? Why are we telling women that they really should cut their husband slack for not watching the kids because it's just not in "their nature"? It's bunk, plain and simple.

All marriages are different and some, I suppose, work well when one partner is constantly building up the other and forgiving all of their "transgressions". Many years ago my mother imparted the following wisdom to me "Marriage is never a 50-50 relationship. Sometimes you are 75 and he is 25 and sometimes you are 10 and he is 90, the important part is that you are always at 100% and no one feels neglected or like they are doing too much" That has always stuck with me. I remind myself of that when I am doing dishes after I've made a huge meal for the family and Geo lays back down to go to sleep even though I really could use the help....but on the flip side of that, he works 12 hour shifts so I can skip a day of work once in a while to go hang out with the kids at school for school functions. Sometimes, I pack Geo's lunch and write him a sweet note, and sometimes he leaves a diet coke for me in the fridge and a text that says "left the last diet coke for you, love you". And sometimes I leave him to his own devices for lunch and HE drinks the last diet coke. It's not perfect BUT it works for us because we both realize that marriage is a balancing act. It's not all about ME making all the gestures and it's not all about HIM being a useless jackass as most of these articles seem to suggest.

The one good thing that has come out of all of these recent posts? People are talking about marriage and about what hard work it is and how NO it's not just the wife who should be building the husband up, the husband can do the same. That husbands are capable of being good fathers and don't need constant praise to do so. And sometimes wives aren't perfect and sometimes husbands aren't perfect but at the end of the day, we feel good in our marriages and if we don't, we should talk about it.

And, that, really is the bottom line. Talk about it. Don't assume your partner is a mind reader and don't assume that they will pick up all the slack when you aren't pulling your weight.

What's YOUR best marriage advice?

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Parenting a Girl

If anyone ever tells you that parenting a girl is easy, you smack them right in the mouth. RIGHT IN THE MOUTH. Then you get a pint of ice cream, an extra cold diet coke, and some sort of pharmaceutical grade chill pill and hold on to your butt. Girls, to tell the truth, are awful. Oh sure, they're sweet and wonderful and wear dresses and want ponytails and painted nails and think momma is the greatest thing ever until she's not. Until it's 6:30 in the morning on a school day and she's half dressed and yelling that you woke her up from her favorite dream about watering flowers and she doesn't WANT TO WEAR PANTS BECAUSE IT'S HOT AND NO I WILL NOT BRUSH MY HAIR BECAUSE IT'S MY HAIR NOT YOURS AND WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME ALL OF THE TIME AND TELL ME TO DO THINGS I DON'T WANT TO DO LIKE BRUSH MY HAIR AND TEETH GOD MOM YOU'RE SO MEAN.

That's just an example of course, I mean, nothing like that ever happens in real life, I'm sure. That's just a for example maybe this could happen if you had a girl like say SarahAnne in your house screaming at 6:30 on a Tuesday. Like, this Tuesday, less than an hour ago. I'm the meanest mother ever but you know what, Miss Itty Bits, you're no picnic either.

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Unexpected

Usually Tell the Truth Tuesdays are witty or deep and profound (or at least in my mind they are haha) but today's is just sad. Geo and I found out earlier today that a former coworker whom we spent time with outside of work as well was killed unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident this afternoon. Right now it's hard to fathom that he's gone since just last week our mutual friend was regaling us a funny story about him. Death is never easy to comprehend, even if we're prepared for it, but Ray passing away was about as unexpected as you can get. Our thoughts and prayers are with his wife, family, and friends at this difficult time. Rest in peace Ray, you were one of the good ones.

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Easter

I have a love hate relationship with Easter. I grew up going to a rather strict Baptist church where Holy week was a big deal, so I got to know the days of Holy week and actually like them. The town I grew up in was rather religious as a whole, so on Good Friday, most of town would shut down from 1-3 so everyone could go to church. I always enjoyed the quietness of Good Friday services; for something so sad for Christians, it was also such a hopeful time as well and you could feel it in the air. Easter Sunday of course is probably the most beautiful church service of the year (in my opinion!) and the sunshine, flowers, and just the general NEWNESS of the holiday is nice. Even though we don't regularly go to church anymore, Easter Sunday is still probably my favorite religious holiday...which is why I'm torn on it.

When I was 18, my grandmother passed away the week before Easter and we were all together for her funeral and then a week later we were all back together trying to pretend to be happy and cheerful when all of us were clearly grieving. My grandma was the one (at least in my mind) who *made* the holidays. We were always at her house or my uncles' house with her bossing everyone around and most of my memories from the holidays are of her. The year she dumped WAY too much sage in the gravy at thanksgiving and created her fantastic green gravy; the year my father dropped her gravy bowl, the year she complained loudly that no one ever remembered what she wanted for Christmas as she was unwrapping the gift she'd told us about months ago, and the bag of potpourri that she and my father passed back and forth as a gift for years because neither one of them wanted the other to NOT have it. The year she died, joy at Easter slipped away for me.

For the kids' sake, we dye eggs, we do baskets, bunnies, and egg hunts but it's hard for me-I always wonder what my grandma would be like with all these great grandchildren. I have a feeling she'd be overrun with fluffy bunnies and chicks JUST to make them all happy...and some baby pigs as well, maybe some turkeys, probably a dog or two...I'd imagine they'd all be as happy as my cousins and I were at her house; playing on the swings, climbing in the hayloft and chasing kittens, and swinging on the huge branches of the weeping willow in her yard.

And now you know my secret about Easter...

Tell the Truth Tuesday: It's a Mom-petition!

For as long as there've been parents and children, there's been "mom-petition" (read: competition among moms) Anywhere you go that there's a group of mommas together, there's bound to be the one upping that most moms can't seem to resist. I'm guilty of being a mom-petitor (what an annoying word) sometimes I just get caught up in the moment and the next thing I hear myself say is "well Gabe was 2 days old when he walked, take that" (lie)

It's something that goes with the territory so it's not shocking in the least for me when it happens. HOWEVER it *is* shocking to see/hear/read that sort of behavior in the special needs parenting circle. For the most part, special needs parents stick together; we boost each other up, we listen, we vent-we don't compete over whose kid is more disabled or gets more services, etc (which makes me wonder, why in the heck do we do it with parents of NT kids???) The special needs parenting circle is a pretty tight knit community; even when you've just met a parent who is part of that "group" there's an instant camaraderie; there's no competing, there's no "oh yeah, well" it's more of a "who is your doctor?" "what services does your child get?" etc sort of thing. A few weeks back I met the mom of a little girl Bitsy's age who had kick ass orthodics for her shoes. I started talking to her and ended up with a good suggestion as to where to go for GOOD orthodics-it was great.

As some of you know, I run a really large group for special needs parents online. It's a really great community; people come looking for info, for a shoulder to cry on, for the camaraderie that they may not be getting in "real" life...but today a mom-petitor showed up...and I'm pleased to say that my fellow SN mommas fought back; they called her out on her crap and made sure she KNEW it wasn't acceptable-I'm so proud of them! But to tell the truth, it shouldn't have happened-and honestly, it needs to stop among ALL parents, not just in the SN community. So my promise to myself, to my fellow moms, both to SN and NT kiddos is that I am going to try my best to NOT compete with you. Even *if* SarahAnne knew all the words to the Star Spangled Banner at the age of 7 hours old (lie, again) I promise not to tell you that...can you do the same?

Tell The Truth Tuesday: I Hate Baby Talk

Unless babies are the ones doing it.

A few weeks ago, Katie and I went to have dinner together; while in the ladies room, I saw a disturbing thing. There was a woman holding a little one (maybe 9 months old or so) and another woman standing next to her. The woman said to the mother of the child "Oh! I just love her hat, it's so cute" (it was, it was a cat) The woman holding the baby said to the other woman "oh thank you! her just loves her kitties. yes she do. her loves her kitties!"

To be clear, the baby talking woman was NOT speaking to her child but to another fully grown adult. Her just loves her kitties. yes she do. her loves her kitties Seriously? No, really. Seriously?

The woman who gave the compliment looked a little bit stunned and said "um, ok" and walked out of the ladies room with a rather perplexed look on her face as if she wasn't quite sure what happened there...

Now, it's a well known fact that when I come across a baby, I act like an idiot. New Years Eve for example, I was playing with my little boyfriend Logan. I would hold him up high in the air and say "super baby!" and then bring back down and say "I'll take the soup" and he would giggle like crazy. Talking like an idiot to a baby and talking like a baby to an adult are two different things. Can you imagine if I would have just said to you.

"Her was just playin with the baybee, yes her was. Her just lovessss her Logan. Her Logan is a super baby, oh yes he is. He a super duper baybee, yes he is. yes he is"

I'm pretty sure you'd smack me. Hell, I'd smack me if I spoke like that. So yes, the truth is, I hate baby talking adults. I understand that some times you've been with your children so long you speak to others like they're children, but for the love of Gob stopping speaking in baby talk...to EVERYONE. Even your baby. Babies aren't morons, you can speak to them like they're people since...*gasp* they are.

Now if you need me, her will be drinking her diet coke. Oh yes her will. Her just loves her diet cokes, doesn't her? *smack*

Tell the Truth Tuesday: I Love Reality Tv

Yep, it's true. I love love love reality t.v. Not only things like "No Reservations" hosted by my boyfriend Tony Bourdain, but "Man V. Food" "Kitchen Nightmares" "Tori and Dean" and my newest favorite "The Next Great Baker" (I have a thing for food apparently)

They're my escape from every day life, they're a way for me to not think about things in my own life for 30-60 minutes once a week..everyone has guilty pleasures...what's yours?