Tell the Truth Tuesday: I Don't Care

....what you say to me this time of year to wish me a joyous Christmas.

A list of things that do not offend me when said to me this time of year:

Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
A Joyous Festivus
Merry Ho-ho


A short list of things that do offend me when said to me this time of year:
 "I am only saying Merry Christmas because tis the season of Christ's birth and that's it"

Here's that thing, Christmas is NOT the only holiday celebration in December. Is it a big one? Yup. Is it the ONLY one? NOPE. Happy holidays is all encompassing, you're acknowledging that there's more than one thing going on during December and that you realize that.  There's a Jewish holiday, a Muslim holiday, a Hindi holiday, and a non secular African American holiday this month (among other things) and quite frankly, to other people that's just as important as Christmas is to the "only saying Merry Christmas" people.

I don't care what you say to me as long as you aren't rude. Just be kind, that's all I ask. Don't preach to me, don't sneer if I tell you to have a nice holiday, don't act offended if I say happy holidays, just be happy that I didn't tell you to soak your head, pound sand, or sit on a tack. Likewise, *I* won't be offended either by whatever comes out of your mouth.

Funny aside, in my family we always greet one another on Christmas with "It's Christmas you idiot" because many years ago my father answered the phone in a rather unChristmas like way (something like "Pete's pool hall, Cue Ball speaking") and my mom yelled in the background "It's Christmas you idiot" and my dumbfounded father, said "It's Christmas you idiot" to the person on the other end of the line and it stuck. It's easily been ten years since that incident and we still all say it...and laugh like bastards as we say it. So really...it's hard to offend me when it comes to holiday greetings...you idiot :D

62 years

It has been sixty two years since the Greats said "I do".

Sixty two years.
Let that sink in for a minute...
SIXTY TWO YEARS

In the last sixty two years there have been eleven presidents, seven popes, a man landed on the moon, the Berlin wall fell, we fought in Vietnam, Martin Luther King marched for civil rights and was later assassinated, Elvis and the Beatles rose to popularity, and the Internet was created. (among other things)

In sixty two years, the Greats have had three children, two grandchildren, and four great grandchildren. They've seen all of their sons get married, both grandsons get married, and have watched their great grandchildren grow.

They have been married six decades, more than half of a century. They've been married nearly twice as long as Geo has been alive, six times as long as Gabriel has been alive, and thirty times as long as their youngest great grandchild has been alive.

Sixty two years. That's 744 months, that's approximately 22,630 days, not including leap years. That's 543120 hours of marriage, 32,587,200 and 1,955,232,000 seconds.


In other words, that's a long freaking time...and it's AWESOME. They are to be commended. In an era where celebrity marriages don't last and you don't hear much good news there's this fact: two people have been married for sixty two years. Two people have lived and loved for sixty two years. I don't know about you, but I am in absolute awe of these two human beings. They exemplify for better or for worse, till death do us part, in sickness and health, and in richer or poorer. How lucky are we that we have an example like this in our lives to show us what marriage really is? Lucky us...and lucky them for all these wonderful years together.

Let the Christmas Countdown Begin

Ah yes, December first...it seems like it took forever to get here, didn't it? (well I suppose it took 11 months as it always does...) Thanksgiving this year was wonderful; full of delicious food, bubbly wine, close family and friends, and we ended the night with a trip to the Christmas house where we all sat drinking hot chocolate and watched a fantastic light and music display.

Black Friday came and went without too much excitement; other than a quick trip to Menard's for a few Christmas gifts later in the day, we stayed home and didn't do a whole lot. Saturday we went and had family pictures done which I can't wait to see. We spent an hour playing at the playground and park while she snapped our pictures.

Today Hunky Hubby and the kiddos decorated the front of the house for Christmas; I still have to put the swag up around the mailbox and hang some giant ornaments from the tree, but we're all set outside. As for inside, we're taking our time. Putting things up a little at a time, leading to the big event of putting up the Christmas tree. Last year was our first year getting a real tree and we loved it so much we decided we'd do it again this year. We have a Christmas party at General Mills on the 21st and then we'll go grab our tree and spend the afternoon decorating it, listening to Christmas music, and watching a movie or two...maybe even "The Polar Express" as the kids have been begging for since about October 12th haha.

A few years ago we started a new Christmas tradition with the family; we try to watch a Christmas or holiday movie every night leading up to Christmas, it doesn't always work that way but it's become such an integral part of our holiday celebrations that we all look forward to it once December rolls around. We cheated a little and watched a few specials this past week, but we'll be kicking the whole thing off on Tuesday night (daddy has to bowl tomorrow night) with a full length holiday movie. I love this tradition and hope that it's one the kids won't grow out of as they get older.

This year the Christmas budget is tight; earlier this year we decided that we want to treat the kids to experiences rather than gifts, so we took a nice trip to gorgeous upstate New York where we all got to know the greats better. Quite frankly that's the only Christmas gift Geo and I needed. It was amazing to get to see Grandma in her kitchen and see Gramps reading on the porch and putting a place with the stories we'd all heard so much about. The kids will never forget their week with the greats in the mountains; I suspect they'll tell their own children about it. We took a trip to Michigan to see family, we had a lot of fun with friends and family all summer long. We really discovered what HAPPY is. It's not about the amount of gifts under the tree, it's not about the money we spend on ourselves, it's being surrounded with love and laughing and hugs and kisses and joking with people and scaring people at restaurants because you're laughing so hard. It's about bowling on Fridays with people you adore, it's about coloring with your friends and running to the park so fast you can't catch your breath, and dancing with the dog. It's being content with what you have and knowing that you have enough just because you have those things: love and family and friends and experiences.

Will the kids get anything under the Christmas tree? Fear not six regular readers (maybe that's generous on my part haha) They will have gifts under the tree. We opted to budget for one large special gift and one or two smaller gifts this year rather than spreading the budget thin. They're getting older and have gotten to the point where one or two meaningful gifts is what they love rather than ten or fifteen "generic" types of gifts. Barbies and cars are fun but they really do love the gifts that a lot of thought are put into. I cannot wait to see their faces when they unwrap the special gift this year. *I* may be more excited at this point than they are.

I'm going to try to be better about keeping this updated more often through the holiday season...even if it's just a picture or two. Have a wonderful holiday season everyone.

Wordless Wednesday: Kiddos

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Marriage Bloggers

Today's installment of Tell the Truth Tuesday is brought to you by the myriad of marriage bloggers out there. In the last few weeks, I've seen a huge influx of posts on facebook and pinterest about making your marriage "better". "Ten tips to a happier marriage" "Marriage isn't for you" "Tips from a divorced man" and so on and so forth. Lots of people have been sharing them and more have been reading them.

I'll be the first to admit that I like to read things like that; I am always looking for ways to improve our marriage, however, these things are getting pretty obnoxious.

The underlying theme in all these articles is that the WIFE is supposed to be the one making the grand gestures, the WIFE is the one who should be forgiving, the WIFE is the one who ought to be complimenting her husband and thanking him for taking the time to watch his children. The wife, the wife, the wife. Oh sure, every once in a while you see something about what a husband should do but the overwhelming majority of these articles are aimed at how wives ought to be doing more. You should be praising your husband more, you should be having more sex at HIS request, you should write him love notes, pray for him, and accept that as a man these actions do not come naturally to him.

Wait a minute. Men aren't capable of thanking their wife for dinner? Men aren't capable of respecting a woman who says NO when they aren't in the mood for sex? Men aren't capable of being an equal emotional partner in a marriage? What kind of asshattery is that?

Why are we telling women that the sole person in the marriage who is responsible for emotional happiness is them? Why are we telling women that they really should cut their husband slack for not watching the kids because it's just not in "their nature"? It's bunk, plain and simple.

All marriages are different and some, I suppose, work well when one partner is constantly building up the other and forgiving all of their "transgressions". Many years ago my mother imparted the following wisdom to me "Marriage is never a 50-50 relationship. Sometimes you are 75 and he is 25 and sometimes you are 10 and he is 90, the important part is that you are always at 100% and no one feels neglected or like they are doing too much" That has always stuck with me. I remind myself of that when I am doing dishes after I've made a huge meal for the family and Geo lays back down to go to sleep even though I really could use the help....but on the flip side of that, he works 12 hour shifts so I can skip a day of work once in a while to go hang out with the kids at school for school functions. Sometimes, I pack Geo's lunch and write him a sweet note, and sometimes he leaves a diet coke for me in the fridge and a text that says "left the last diet coke for you, love you". And sometimes I leave him to his own devices for lunch and HE drinks the last diet coke. It's not perfect BUT it works for us because we both realize that marriage is a balancing act. It's not all about ME making all the gestures and it's not all about HIM being a useless jackass as most of these articles seem to suggest.

The one good thing that has come out of all of these recent posts? People are talking about marriage and about what hard work it is and how NO it's not just the wife who should be building the husband up, the husband can do the same. That husbands are capable of being good fathers and don't need constant praise to do so. And sometimes wives aren't perfect and sometimes husbands aren't perfect but at the end of the day, we feel good in our marriages and if we don't, we should talk about it.

And, that, really is the bottom line. Talk about it. Don't assume your partner is a mind reader and don't assume that they will pick up all the slack when you aren't pulling your weight.

What's YOUR best marriage advice?

Thank You

Weight in Line

This weekend was fabulous; we went to an apple orchard up near the Wisconsin border with some family friends. We picked our own pumpkins, we ate warm apple cider donuts, we took silly pictures. We had a blast. It wasn't too hot, it wasn't too cold. It was just the right mix of sun and clouds; you know a darn near perfect day.

Whenever we go to fall festivals, they have pony rides. Like any little girl, SarahAnne loves pony rides. She will save her allowance for weeks if she has to in order to ride a pony. She loves it; many happy pictures of her have been taken on top of a pony.

The whole morning of our orchard trip she talked about the pony ride; she couldn't wait to ride the pony and what color would the pony be and oooh could I take a picture of her on the pony?

We got in line to ride the pony; a measly four dollars for five minutes of sheer joy for her? Sign me up.

We saw a sign that said "Weight Limit XX" I'd never seen a sign like that, but though "eh, whatever" Bits is right around the posted weight limit, so I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. NOW, Bitsy is a big girl. By big, I mean she is tall. She is over four foot tall already. She's got a stocky build that she comes by honestly. There are very tall people in my family; I had a maternal grandmother who was over six foot, so it stands to reason that one of the grandkids on this side would be tall, right? Not only that but HH isn't a small guy either, he's six foot tall. Regardless, Bitsy doesn't look like she is six; people have asked if Gabe and Bits are twins because they are so close in size and looks.

SarahAnne was standing at the gate, starting to get giddy after picking out the pony she was going to ride when a woman who worked there said to her "come here, I need to weigh you" she made Bits get on the scale and when it pointed to four pounds over she said "yeah, sorry you're too heavy, you can't have a pony ride"

Annnnnnnd right then and there, Bitsy's damn heart broke. I watched her step off the scale and start to sob quietly until she was back next to me where the water works let loose.

NOW, I understand weight limits and size limitations; the rules are in place for the safety of the animals and I respect that completely. COMPLETELY. What I do not understand is why she was made to stand on a scale and then be told she was too heavy.

Could the woman have asked me if she was under the weight limit? Could the woman have had her step on the scale and then back off and say "oops, looks like you're too old to ride the ponies this year, sorry honey" Could she have possibly handled that with any amount of decency at all?

What lesson did that teach SarahAnne? That she's getting too old for pony rides? (nope, because a few weeks ago she did and there was no scale in sight...) That she's too tall for a pony ride? (nope) What did it teach her? That she was too heavy. Even at the age of six, she has grasped onto the concept of being fat, thanks to some little girls in her class who...well I won't get into that, it's not my place to judge but suffice to say, six year old children should NOT be worried about their sugar intake (she actually said "mom, I'm not going to eat sugar for a week, it makes you so fat" um no. NO. NO!) six year olds shouldn't be concerned that they need to take an hour walk each day in addition to the running around they already do because they are "fat". These are NOT the things six years should be worrying about...and yet...here's my six year old worrying about it because of what society is ALREADY telling them to be worried about.

I don't ever recall being concerned about sugar intake at six, hell even at twelve or thirteen I didn't care about things like sugar intake (and the only reason I do now is because my body doesn't particularly like sugar) I don't think I ever forced myself to go exercise at six and I can't remember being on a scale at ALL except for my yearly physical. I was never told that I was too heavy, I was never told that I was too fat, etc. Was I a chubby kid? Yup, I was. Was I healthy? Yup, I was. It didn't phase me. I didn't worry about it. I don't remember my mother ever being concerned with our weight (other than making sure we were eating well and playing outside-you know, normal mom stuff)

My heart broke for Bitsy on Saturday. I try my damnedest to make sure she has a positive self image because I know how it is to be a girl. Geo and I try to make sure she knows that we think she is funny and smart and clever, not just pretty. We don't place any emphasis on her weight because it's only one small part of her (and she is healthy...very healthy) and yet...when it all came down to it, the scale was the only thing that mattered that day. Again, I understand the concept, I understand the need for the rule, what I don't understand is the way it was handled.

I hate that at six she's already worried about numbers on a scale; I hate that she cried and cried because she is six and just wanted to ride the damn ponies. I hate that this isn't the first time someone has said something about how big she is and she has cried because she thinks she's fat. Just because she doesn't look like she's six doesn't mean she isn't for God's sake. Not to mention, that you shouldn't comment on anyone's size regardless of their age. Damn this vain, self absorbed culture we're part of.