Thankful Thursday: Perspective

My mom is a cancer survivor; when I was 16 she was diagnosed with cervical and ovarian cancer. It's been 15 years and she's cancer free and healthy. When I was first going through Gabe's diagnosis and so angry and just wanted to know WHY me? WHY  Gabe? Why why why why!??! My mom's answer was "why NOT you? why NOT Gabe?"

I was confused until she explained. She said "Chris, someone has to make up the statistics, SOMEONE has to be the 1 in 10 that spina bifida has to happen to and rather then saying 'why me' perhaps you ought to be asking why NOT me? When it comes down to it, things happen and that's that. Why did this happen to you guys? Maybe because you have access to excellent doctors and you and Geo are equipped to handle something like this rather than a single teenage mother. Maybe because you'll love this child regardless of his abilities rather than just having an abortion. Maybe because nothing, maybe because sometimes shit happens and you deal with it. So stop dwelling on the why me's and work on taking care of this situation. Do your research, find your support groups, stop your crying and get busy"

And you know what? She was right. Why NOT me? Does it suck to be the 1 in 10 (or whatever your statistic might be) YES of course it does...but think of all the other things you aren't dealing with...there are so many other people who are so much worse off than you no matter how dire your circumstances are. So go out there, do your research, find your support and GET BUSY!

(Thanks Mom, you really DO know best ♥)

Tell the Truth Tuesday: I Love Reality Tv

Yep, it's true. I love love love reality t.v. Not only things like "No Reservations" hosted by my boyfriend Tony Bourdain, but "Man V. Food" "Kitchen Nightmares" "Tori and Dean" and my newest favorite "The Next Great Baker" (I have a thing for food apparently)

They're my escape from every day life, they're a way for me to not think about things in my own life for 30-60 minutes once a week..everyone has guilty pleasures...what's yours?

I Can Clearly See Your Nuts

It's unseasonably warm today; like almost sixty degrees...very very warm. After a nice work out at the gym while Bits played with some other kiddos and a fitting at the dance shop for her new shoes (this child is going to make us broke with her ballet shoe issue. She seems to think it's OKAY to keep growing, when clearly it's not. Shoes cost money :P) Since it was so warm and HH needed to get some sleep (I don't know why he only worked 56 hours this week the slacker) we took a walk...and an hour later just got back to the house.

We have a really great park near the house that happens to go around a super old cemetery (which Gabe is fascinated by, but that's another post for another day) and we decided to take a walk on the path around the cemetery and see where it led. It led us to thru a gorgeous patch of woods where we saw two small red headed woodpeckers who seemed to think we were no threat because they landed on branches no further than ten feet from us-almost as if to say "oh sure, take a look at us!" They were gorgeous.

As we walked my leg got snagged on a picker bush and I hollered OUCH! Bits, ever the little momma, asked "oh what's wrong momma?" I told her a picker bush got me and she wrapped her arm around my leg and pulled me close and said "ok then, just walk with me, I won't let the pickers get you anymore, ok?" and at that moment I realized something...

I realized that in just a few short months my little momma, my shadow for the last nearly five years, my itty bitty baby girl is going to be going to school and for the first time since she was born, I'm going to be on my own for a few hours every.single.day. I almost can't fathom this. When Gabe went to school I was relieved; he was so bored at home and I had Bits to take care of. He settled into school very easily; he loves to learn, he loves being surrounded by other kids, the whole bit. He's very independent, always has been.

Bits, on the other hand, has always been a momma's girl. Never wanting to be further than a few arm lengths away from me, even at night. She never wanted to go to dance by herself, never wanted to go on playdates...all of that is changing though. She loves dance class with "the big girls". She ASKS to go to the gym so she can play with her friends, and she doesn't seem to need me 24/7 anymore, something I thought would never happen. Something I swore I would rejoice over when it finally happened but yet...I can't help feeling like I'm not really ready for this. I'm not ready for my itty bitty to be not so itty bitty.

As we walked along the path with her arm wrapped around my leg, chatting about what we saw and what we thought, I realized that she really IS independent and it happened in the blink of an eye. We continued on with our walk, seeing ducks and geese, petting dogs, and stopping for a good five minutes to watch a nutkins (that'd be a squirrel in this family) chew on a black walnut, only leaving when he tossed the empty nut shell down and Bits was able to pick it up and put it in her pocket. We sat and talked to ducks, we saw ANOTHER woodpecker (busy birds today) and then we saw a gorgeous red tailed hawk before crossing the street and finding our way back into our neighborhood.

The above picture was taken by mini momma; she thought it would be cool to see what the nutshells looked like in a picture. Turned out pretty well I think, just like her...and hopefully, me too, when I'm on my own picking up nutshells and watching birds with no one to protect me from the picker bushes.

I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

I have this really amazing friend, actually, I have quite a few amazing friends, two or three for sure (haha, I'm kidding) this amazing friend has a brother who is quite ill. So ill that he's on the transplant list for an organ donation and actually one of the many things that makes my friend so amazing is that SHE is going to be donating part of her liver to her brother. Anyway, he's sick, he's fading fast. The situation is going downhill quickly and as you can imagine, he's in poor spirits. His birthday is soon, the 18th of this month. Mel (my friend) has asked that people reach out to him and send him a birthday card. It's not that hard, in fact it's probably one of the easiest things you could possibly do to make another person feel good. Another amazing friend (who is going to be the birthday girl in about an hour and a half or so) set up a website for Mel and her brother Ken...and if you check it out you can find the info to send Ken a card for his birthday.
Check it out!

I thank you in advance for your kindness :)

It was Ah-May-Zing!

Gabe started at a new school this week. He bounded off the bus Tuesday (his first day back) with a huge grin on his face. When I asked how his day was he said "it was AH MAY ZING!" He was darn near giddy with how great his day had been. I was very relieved, I was concerned he'd have a rough day, etc etc.

Wednesday when he came home, I asked "how was your day Gabe?" he said rather dully "yeah, it was fine" I was concerned; he had a great day Tuesday, he was excited to go to school Wednesday morning but the afternoon was a whole different story. We started talking about his day and I asked "so what happened today? what were your specials?" He said he had gym and told me what he did, then said he had library. I asked which books he got and he said "oh some about basketball and race cars" and then he trailed off...I asked "so what's the problem McGooch?"

He sighed very deeply and proceeded to explain why his day was just "fine" (you're gonna love this) If you can, hear this next rambly paragraph in Gabe's voice:

"I went to the library with my class and we were told we could get any book we wanted so I went to look for Calvin and Hobbes but I couldn't find them so I walked up to the librarian and asked her where I can find them because at the big library they are in the 700's but I couldn't find the 700's so I didn't know where they were *deep breath by Gabe at this point* AND then she said, she said I'm sorry but you can't have Calvin and Hobbes until you are in third grade and I told her that wasn't fair because I read them at home and I was just looking for one book that I still haven't read and maybe she would have it and she said no. I just couldn't have them because I am only a second grader and that stinks. She stinks."


A few things about this paragraph:
How great is it that Gabe knows Calvin and Hobbes are classified in the 700's of the library? (741.50 if you want to be specific, but you probably didn't need to know that)

How wonderful is it that he asked the librarian for help rather than saying screw it and ripping shelves apart?

And...how crappy is it that they wouldn't let him check it out because he is in 2nd grade? Gabe isn't one to be too totally obnoxious when it comes to exaggerating things, and I could tell he was very clearly upset about this...I think I'll be talking to the teacher and librarian to see what really transpired at the library, but in the meantime,  I don't think it's appropriate for librarians to decide which books a child should or should not read; in my opinion even if they can't read all the words in a book doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed the opportunity to GET that book anyway...strong readers continually challenge themselves when it comes to reading new material; how else are kids going to learn if they aren't allowed to challenge themselves?!

On the plus side, unlike his first art teacher, he and this art teacher get along swimmingly, he didn't even have to offer to take her on a date! He also loves gym class and thinks his classroom teacher is AWESOME, which I love. Now to get him and the librarian on the "same page" ha :P

Tell the Truth Tuesday: I'm Loud

(for the new year, I'm going to switch it up and do some different theme days)
(also, my title is alliterative; I love alliteration, in fact the other day I said something to Geo and he said "ah yes, speaking in alliteration again!" I hadn't even realized it...)

I'm loud; I always have been and suspect I always will be. As long as I can remember I've done everything loudly. I talk loudly, I laugh loudly, I cry loudly, hell I even WALK loudly. I can't help it, I'm just naturally loud.

Why though? Why am I so loud?

(here comes the truth...)

I'm afraid I'm not being noticed.

Now how ridiculous is that? I'm honestly surprised when people I've met in passing remember me. I'm very surprised when people whom I've never met directly know who I am. (and it also surprises me that people don't remember me as "the loud one") I suppose my very loud persona is a way to cover up the fact that deep down I feel invisible a lot. Which, again, is kind of silly, because I'm obviously *not* invisible at all.

So there you have it, I'm loud. Always have been, always will be. Now if you'll pardon me, I'm off to work on some more alliterative titles for blogs!

2011: Things I Learned

Lessons learned are always easier to see in retrospect; so in no particular order some things I learned in 2011 (and in no way is this list complete lol)

Sometimes second chances open you up to being hurt again and people WILL take that chance and WILL hurt you again...
but sometimes a second chance gives a person an actual chance to do better and they ARE better...and it's all worth it in the end.

The family you chose is often more loyal and amazing than the family you're given...
but there's no substitute for being with people who've known you and loved you your whole life.

In a world where celebrities are married and divorced in a matter of months and you hear of cheating spouses, abusive relations, and partners who just don't care there are people who prove that love is indeed alive and its' worth celebrating.

Children are the greatest gift in this world...and also the greatest pain in the ass and often at the same times.

There's nothing better than warm blankets and cuddly kitties when it's snowing and blowing outside.

You can go home again, though it's probably not the same as you remember (in both good AND bad ways)

You can only be taken advantage of if you allow it and sometimes you've just got to step back and not allow it.

Babies are a wonderful way to start people.

You get what you give and eventually it will catch up with you. If you're consistently putting forth the most effort in a relationship, it's probably not worth your time and as painful as it will be, it's probably time to cut your losses and move on.

Diet coke fixes AND creates problems (who could have known that being thankful for something like diet coke would start a comment war earlier this year!?)

Saying thank you is as satisfying to you as it is for the person you are thanking.

*whew* and that's it for now...Happy New Year everyone!