Before I start this entry, I want you all to know that I asked, and received, permission from Gabriel to take and post this picture. At six, he is old enough to decide if something like this can be shared. He decided it was ok, so here's my not so wordless Wednesday post on scars
Last night before his shower, Gabriel was standing looking in the mirror at his body. He loves to stand at the mirror, make silly faces, and generally goof around with the good looking kid in the mirror. He currently has two wiggly teeth, so he's been looking in the mirror more than usual. We were getting ready for a shower when he asked me if I would help him look at the "spot on his back" The spot on his back, of course, is the scar from his back closure. He's seen it before and has always been oddly fascinated by it. It doesn't bother him to see it, he's curious about it. We've always tried to answer questions about his surgery when he asks and try to reassure him that it's not that big of a deal to have the scar since just about everyone has some sort of scar. (for example, Geo has one right down the center of his forehead a la Harry Potter, no big whoop, we all have scars)
As he turned around in the mirror to get a closer look at his back, his lower lip started to tremble. He looked at the scar and threw his arms around me trying not to cry. I moved the mirror so he couldn't see himself anymore and held him tight telling him it was alright and that as he got bigger, his scar would get smaller and he wouldn't even notice it after a while. He told me that he hates having a scar because no one else has a scar like his...but little does he know that his scar is my scar too, that even though you can't see mine like you can see his, I can feel it each and every day. My scar isn't on my lower back though, it's on my heart and nights like last night make it ache like crazy. I hope someday Gabe's scar won't cause either of us pain, but until then, I guess we'll just hold on tight to one another and deal with it the best we know how.
For those who've never seen Gabriel's scar, my picture may make you cringe. Hell for those who HAVE seen Gabe's back, this picture might still make you cringe. It makes me cringe when I see it and I see it on a regular basis. Again, I have Gabriel's permission to post this picture as I see fit...and this is how I see fit. Maybe in showing our scar, it'll lessen the pain associated with it.